Happiness, pleasure and the joy of being broke

There's a wonderful lyric from Malcolm Williamson's opera version of Oscar Wilde's 'The Happy Prince' that has always made me thoughtful. The prince is indulged in all things material, and never allowed to feel sorrow. After his death, he becomes a statue looking out over the misery of poverty outside the walls of his palace; it touches his leaden heart with pity, and he sadly sings:

"My courtiers called me The Happy Prince,
And happy indeed I was- if pleasure be happiness."

I think pleasure and happiness are words that we need to define very carefully in our parenting. So often we do something on the pretext that it will make our children happy, yet in fact what we're doing is giving our children pleasure.

And when the ability to give our children pleasure at the drop of a hat is taken away- usually by a change of circumstances such as the loss of a job, a relationship break-up or an illness that affects our income- we worry that we will no longer be able to make our children happy.

Let me just reassure you on that point.

The Seven Deadly Sins of daycare parenting

Every daycare worker has a recurring set of complaints about parents in those 'water-cooler moments'.  Of course we do.  Don't YOU complain to your fellow workers and family about clients or workmates who get up your nose?

If you're reading this column, you've made a great start to being a fantastic parent, because you're willing to learn (I note that you have to pass a test to drive a car, but nobody issues licences for parenting, so good on you for showing some initiative- not all good parenting is instinctive!).  You deserve to know what parenting behaviours really annoy your children's carers- let's face it, we won't tell you this to your face, because we try to be positive.

You can't be expected to get it right all the time if you haven't ever been told what drives us mad.  So here are the seven deadly sins that get right up our noses.

Your baby: milestones, physical development and choosing day care

One of my friends is running a physiotherapy blog which has some very useful information posted for parents of babies and young children (there is a special paediatric section).  You can also ask Roberta your own specific questions about physical issues.

The blog is at

Roberta's physio blog

I was interested to note that Roberta supports my statement about young girls wearing high heels- it's a bad idea, not only due to the age-inappropriateness of sexualised clothing but also in terms of physical development- see shoes for children

The long wet summer holidays

The best advice I ever got from any of my son's teachers was when he was in primary school, and the headmaster sent home the last newsletter of the year.  The gist of his Christmas message was as follows:


'If your child complains that he's bored during these holidays, my one request to you is that you do NOT take him to the shops to buy ANYTHING.  Saying he's bored indicates that he is not yet bored enough.  When he's bored enough, he'll find something to do.'


Wise advice indeed!! In this age of quick-fix technology and double-income mortgages, it's so easy to just give in and buy the latest toy or gadget, or let the kids play with your iPhone, for a moment's peace. Believe me, the moment you set one of these precedents you're making a stick for your own back. It really is worth listening to the whining for a few hours, a few times, until the kids register that you're not going to jump... and go find something to entertain themselves. If you keep giving in to the quick fix, you're effectively denying them the opportunity to discover their own creativity, to use their imaginations, to explore the world around them.


BUT, you say, what about La Nina? It's supposed to rain all holidays!