Teacher Tom has written a great post today about a 'magic word' he's found to use with children. It made me start thinking about the other side of the coin- the words that cause nothing but trouble, the words that I'd love to strike out of every parent and carer's vocabulary.
There are certain words that promote guilt and blame without giving any positive momentum at all. These are the words that aren't helpful to anyone. If you use them yourself, you're either being mean or judgmental to someone else (consciously or subconsciously), or you're beating yourself up, or you're setting yourself up for failure. If someone else uses them at you- and I do mean AT you, because they can be like a weapon- they're not going to stir you into action, they're just going to make you feel crushed or worthless.
Advice and observations from a qualified carer and educator to help parents and childcare professionals maintain a loving, respectful relationship with their children.
Showing posts with label failure. Show all posts
Showing posts with label failure. Show all posts
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Teacher-bashers: the dangers of over-supporting your children
On the very last day that I taught as a full-time secondary teacher, a Year 7 boy waited till everyone else except his two best buddies had left the room, walked up to me and slapped me in the face. I had given him absolutely no reason to do so; he did it because he could, no doubt to build up his profile to his mates.
He had no fear of retribution whatsoever. He knew that if I complained to the principal, he would at worst be sent to the school counsellor- who would then, in the ultimate example of teacher-bashing, call me in and tell me that it was somehow 'my fault' for not understanding this child's motivation and needs. The child knew it, and I knew it.
I put that incident down to the universe confirming my decision to leave the secondary system, and walked away. Ultimately, this school was so afraid of telling parents the truth about their children's faults and problems that it was prepared to allow the children to get away with assault, disguising the truth of the situation in a thick cloak of 'support and understanding'.
I'm not alone in having this sort of experience, as recent statistics on teacher stress (as detailed in today's Sydney Morning Herald) show. Teachers crushed by expectations I'm not the only passionate, enthusiastic teacher who has been lost to teaching due to the system's failure to balance the equation of teachers' and students' rights, to protect staff from abuse.
Sadly, blaming the teacher for everything that goes wrong in a classroom is not confined to the school administration; it's become a blood sport amongst parents seeking easy, comfortable answers to their child's problems. I have been insulted, ridiculed and verbally attacked, both face-to-face and online, by everyone from acquaintances to total strangers- sometimes for merely being a teacher, and sometimes for suggesting uncomfortable answers which are, in my view, better answers.
But what effect does this sort of vicious attitude to teachers have on the children?
He had no fear of retribution whatsoever. He knew that if I complained to the principal, he would at worst be sent to the school counsellor- who would then, in the ultimate example of teacher-bashing, call me in and tell me that it was somehow 'my fault' for not understanding this child's motivation and needs. The child knew it, and I knew it.
I put that incident down to the universe confirming my decision to leave the secondary system, and walked away. Ultimately, this school was so afraid of telling parents the truth about their children's faults and problems that it was prepared to allow the children to get away with assault, disguising the truth of the situation in a thick cloak of 'support and understanding'.
I'm not alone in having this sort of experience, as recent statistics on teacher stress (as detailed in today's Sydney Morning Herald) show. Teachers crushed by expectations I'm not the only passionate, enthusiastic teacher who has been lost to teaching due to the system's failure to balance the equation of teachers' and students' rights, to protect staff from abuse.
Sadly, blaming the teacher for everything that goes wrong in a classroom is not confined to the school administration; it's become a blood sport amongst parents seeking easy, comfortable answers to their child's problems. I have been insulted, ridiculed and verbally attacked, both face-to-face and online, by everyone from acquaintances to total strangers- sometimes for merely being a teacher, and sometimes for suggesting uncomfortable answers which are, in my view, better answers.
But what effect does this sort of vicious attitude to teachers have on the children?
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
The myth of the perfect parent/carer
One of the easiest traps I could fall into when writing this blog is to make parenting sound easy.
I am NOT here to make you feel inadequate. Ladies and gents, parenting is NOT easy. And carers, looking after other people's kids is NOT easy. It's full of split-second decisions that you have to make when you're tired, distracted and irritated, when your own relationship with your partner or your self-image or your financial situation might be imploding, when you're surrounded by conflicting 'good advice', ridiculous rules of the centre, myriad unrealistic expectations... it's sometimes like parenting in the jungle, with a hungry tiger in every tree.
Carers are usually trained in everything except what they really need to know- HOW to form a relationship with each member of a disparate group of kids- and parents are no better off. Nobody offers you training in parenting your particular child BEFORE you take the plunge (how could they? -your child will be unique). On the contrary, there's a myth out there that it'll all fall into place due to your natural instincts. After all, we're all here on this planet to reproduce, aren't we? It's natural!
Bollocks to that. 'Natural' my *rse.
Let me give you an example that has stuck in my brain for the last 26 years.
I am NOT here to make you feel inadequate. Ladies and gents, parenting is NOT easy. And carers, looking after other people's kids is NOT easy. It's full of split-second decisions that you have to make when you're tired, distracted and irritated, when your own relationship with your partner or your self-image or your financial situation might be imploding, when you're surrounded by conflicting 'good advice', ridiculous rules of the centre, myriad unrealistic expectations... it's sometimes like parenting in the jungle, with a hungry tiger in every tree.
Carers are usually trained in everything except what they really need to know- HOW to form a relationship with each member of a disparate group of kids- and parents are no better off. Nobody offers you training in parenting your particular child BEFORE you take the plunge (how could they? -your child will be unique). On the contrary, there's a myth out there that it'll all fall into place due to your natural instincts. After all, we're all here on this planet to reproduce, aren't we? It's natural!
Bollocks to that. 'Natural' my *rse.
Let me give you an example that has stuck in my brain for the last 26 years.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)