5 ways to keep dads engaged in parenting

There's this crazy belief still doing the rounds that women can 'have it all'- the family, the job, the fabulous social life whilst still doing Nigella Lawson impressions every night in the kitchen- and this is the key to happiness.

What rubbish. Admit it, go on! We are NOT Wonderwoman! Parenting is a full-time job. A full-time job is also a full-time job. Housekeeping is a full-time job. Somewhere in there we have to sleep and have some recreation and exercise. We'd all be just fine if there were 72 hours in a day.


We need help to stay resilient for our children, we need support systems, and we probably hope or even expect that our first lifeline will come from our children's dad. But you know, we can be our own worst enemies when it comes to accepting support from our partner.

Helping your children hear praise and gratitude

Today I want to tell you how I knew I really loved my current partner.  I can say with confidence that it was the first time in my life I'd really loved, rather than being 'in love' or 'in lust', and I think it's worth sharing how I knew that.

You might wonder what that's got to do with childcare. The link is that word 'love'. For many of us, the love for our child is the most intense and unconditional love we'll experience; some parents describe being 'in love' with their new baby. Yet I can see that many parents and carers' loving intentions get lost in the process of trying to fit the 'perfection paradigm'- the perfect amount and method of encouragement, the perfect level of boundaries, the perfect number and type of activities, and so on. 

Relationships can be like that, too.  We can lose the love in a pointless quest for perfection.  Maybe if I share this little story, I can toss a bomb at some habitual behaviours which are totally counterproductive when we really love someone... like our child.

Coping with criticism of our parenting or care philosophy

We spend so much time observing and thinking about our children, listening to them, analysing what they do... we try so hard; we exhaust ourselves trying to do the best we can.

And then there's that moment when someone questions one of our strategies, or enthusiastically suggests a better way, or straight-out criticises our practice. Maybe something that one of those toxic mothers at the school gate or playgroup said got right under our skin.  Maybe we got flamed in some forum discussion.  Or maybe we just read an article in the news or online that challenged or disproved our views, and we beat up on ourselves. Maybe we're a carer, not a parent, and a colleague or our boss just gave us a drubbing.

How do we protect our confidence in the face of that?  We need our confidence.  Our children need to feel that we're in control, and without confidence in our practices we'll radiate uncertainty.