Respectful parenting- how to say NO

I always cringe when I hear a parent proudly proclaim that they are 'friends' with their child. I wonder what they think this means. You are not one of your child's peers; you probably don't share their interests, or at least not at the same level; you are almost certainly not stimulated intellectually or emotionally by the same things. To strive to be your child's friend is fraught with danger.

 

The truth is that children really don't WANT you to be a friend in that way. Your child needs you to be a parent, even when they might be screaming to the rafters that they hate you for some boundary you've set. Children without boundaries are scared children, and one of those boundaries needs to be around you; teenage children whose parents are intent on being their 'buddy' will learn how to manipulate that relationship very quickly, and will resent you trampling on their territory to boot.

You're NOT leaving the house wearing THAT!

A few weeks ago my daughter-in-law set me a challenge to write a column explaining how to tell a friend that the Justin Bieber hairdo was, um, A MISTAKE. It was obviously topical for her, and given that parents have started rows over their teenage children's appearance since time immemorial, the art of criticising a young person's appearance in a constructive way could probably bear a little attention.

My answer to her would be leave him alone; he'll work it out when he discovers that he has a swarm of 10-year-old girls around him while the ladies of his own generation giggle in the background. It's a good strategy for parents, too, if it's really not a life-threatening or career-killing problem. But there are some things you can do to help prevent your kids making bad appearance choices in the first place.