Obedience does not equal respect

There's been a lot of talk about obedience lately, hasn't there?

At one end of the spectrum, we have the ratbag fringe advocating whipping your baby with whipper-snipper cord to teach him to obey you- excuse me while I throw up, and then cry bitter tears for that sad and deluded segment of the human race. (I'm betting that all the people reading this think that's totally appalling, so I won't go on and on about it, because it makes us all sick to the stomach.)

At the other end- well, I guess you could say there's me. I actually worry when children are too obedient, and I worry even more when adults expect and want children to be unquestioningly obedient.

I think a lot of people confuse 'obedience' with 'respect'. When their children don't do as they're told, the parent or carer feels hurt, insulted or not respected. And of course, there are times when we need our children to obey us immediately- when there's serious imminent danger, you need the power of "STOP"- but let's not confuse that with a child who doesn't pick up their toys, or won't practise the piano or do their homework, or still hasn't taken the garbage out, or breaks curfew. (To give "STOP" power, you need a respectful relationship with your child and you need not to overuse that word.)

So first, let's explore the difference between obedience and respect, shall we?

Putting on a show with young children (with free script!)

Most teachers and childcare workers I've spoken to about producing a show with children greet the subject with a shudder (the smaller the children, the bigger the shudder).  I can never understand that- I love putting on performances with children!

Being in a show can be a turning point for a child. A good teacher can encourage even the shyest of children to wear a costume, learn simple movements or a song and walk on stage to perform in a group with other kids- and the applause and sense of achievement they get after it's all over creates a boost in self-confidence which is beyond price.  For more outgoing or gifted children, a show gives them an opportunity to shine at their own level without disadvantaging other children. For children who come from impoverished backgrounds, a simple show carefully run (to avoid incurring any parental expenses) may be a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to experience the fun of extra-curricular activities.

So here are some guidelines for putting on a performance with young children, to help prevent this wonderfully rewarding activity from becoming a nightmare.

Smacking: let's stop pretending!

If you read current child-rearing literature and listen to the experts, you'll know that good parents don't smack their kids. Yet if you talk for long enough to almost any parent, you'll know that theory and practice are WORLDS apart on this issue. Nearly every parent has lost their cool at some stage and smacked their child. I did; my mother did. You probably have too.  Plenty of mums and dads still use it as a regular disciplinary device- they're just not talking about it.

To have a rational public discussion about smacking which considers any positives as well as the negatives is considered taboo- smacking is politically incorrect, and that's that. This has created a quiet subculture which really, really worries me. If we're still doing it, we need to bring it out in the open. So let's have that discussion right now; it's about time.