Why I won't do Hallowe'en

I've just been reading a great post by Janet Lansbury about how we can help children take ownership of their art by backing off ourselves.  Couldn't agree more.

But it was centred around the American festival of Hallowe'en, and that made me reflect on my strong distaste for that celebration on the last day of October. A lot of people assume that I'm just anti-American, or something.  But that's not it.  Sure, I think that we have lots to celebrate in Australia without adopting other people's festivals, but that's not the real reason I feel uncomfortable about Hallowe'en. 

And it's nothing to do with religion and witches, either.  I'm not that straight-laced.

It's the modelling that worries me.  It's the behavioural undertones, and the hypocrisy of bad behaviour being amusing and acceptable for one day of the year and criminal for the rest. 

Let's take a look at the behaviour that's put up as okay at Hallowe'en, and see how it stands up for the rest of the year.

Being a role model: a 24/7 challenge for parents and carers

It's easy to forget that those little eyes are always watching us.  It's even easier to forget that those little ears are always listening to us- especially when children get to the age where they seem to develop selective hearing. (Believe me, selective deafness is about lack of response, not lack of hearing.)

Because I work as a casual at the moment, I've been quite transient in my contact with some groups of children.  This can be a challenge for the children, for the regular staff and for me.  And it also opens up some huge holes in the role modelling by the adults involved in the childcare equation.  Often, adults are downright rude to each other in full view of the children; all that time spent telling the children to be kind to their friends (hmm, you can read what I think about that use of the word 'friends' here), and yet they themselves sometimes treat the other human beings around them with blatant disregard for their feelings and rights.

It seems to me that many of my reflections about those 'holes' also apply to parenting; the way our children's primary carers behave in front of them is crucial to their future behaviour and attitudes. So let's have a look at a few aspects of adult behaviours, through the eyes of the children.

Teaching resilience: how to get your kid back on the bike

'Lilian' took her 7-year-old daughter 'Marni' bike riding in the park the other day. Marni was ripping around having a great time when she tried to turn sharply in the middle of a puddle and came to grief, splattering herself on the ground and scraping off a fair bit of skin. Tears and fears! Marni was very reluctant to get back on that bike, saying she thought they'd better walk home.

Some parents would tell the child not to be a sissy, get up, stop crying and get back on the bike- which might appear to work in the short term, but could hardly be considered respectful parenting.

Other parents would be terribly upset, reproach themselves for letting such a small child do something so dangerous, over-comfort their baby and wrap her up in cotton wool, then take her to the doctor to check for broken bones (providing special treats on the way, probably in the form of junk food) while deciding to lock the bike away till she's older. (Don't laugh. I know parents like this.)