tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5189220758768300295.post8463791226661357401..comments2024-03-27T17:27:42.775+10:00Comments on Aunt Annie's Childcare: Tantrums: 3 steps to beat 'em, not join 'em!Aunt Anniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08799746597313773030noreply@blogger.comBlogger13125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5189220758768300295.post-36838325616603511882013-10-04T20:51:26.348+10:002013-10-04T20:51:26.348+10:00I think you're doing all the right things- and...I think you're doing all the right things- and getting him assessed now is one of those right things. I'll look forward to hearing from you!Aunt Anniehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08799746597313773030noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5189220758768300295.post-25705809033740682032013-10-04T16:46:29.418+10:002013-10-04T16:46:29.418+10:00Hello Aunt Annie,
Thank you for replying so quick...Hello Aunt Annie,<br /><br />Thank you for replying so quickly, I actually thought I would just write into the never ending universe and no one will answer anyway. So thank you for taking the time to do so.<br /><br />I can imagine that it's hard to answer anyway, when you don't know myself and my husband and the way we are around our children. My husband works everyday, but I work only 2 days a week. I am here for my children and we do things together like go to the park after school, talk, read. I cook proper meals, if we have a take away food it might happen only one dinner a month. I love cooking and so does my son, so he helps when he feels like. He loves making schnitzels, as he gets his hands dirty and loves the sensory side of it. His room is painted in soft blue on one side, then a soft green on the other side with a wooden floor. We live in a house and we have a play area with swings and a sand pit. As you mentioned the sensory issues. He loves digging in dirt, getting his hands dirty and I don't stop him in getting dirty. I also don't take him to shops. Sometimes it can't be avoided, but I do my shopping without him, except for when he was little and didn't go to school, I had to take him. That time when I left him in the shop was when he was 4yrs old. <br />We are a very close family and we do things together. My husband and I don't go out, we stay in and we don't drink or do drugs, so that is why I'm very confused why my son is so needy and wants new things all the time. We give him lots of love, but we find ourselves tipi-toeing around him. I am going to go see a behavioral psychologist most likely and a developmental pediatrician. I've been hoping and waiting for too long and he's not growing out of it. I have booked marked this page, so when I will have some answers I will let you know of our progress.<br />Thank you for all your advice!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5189220758768300295.post-31241210856188251112013-09-30T20:10:18.880+10:002013-09-30T20:10:18.880+10:00Hi Anon. This sounds incredibly frustrating for yo...Hi Anon. This sounds incredibly frustrating for you, but clearly your son is frustrated too!<br /><br />A few ideas for you:<br /><br />First, get him away from bright colours, noise and clutter. He sounds extremely overstimulated. The answer to him wanting more is not to give in and add to the chaos, but to remove things until you have wide open spaces, natural colours and a few treasured toys. Take him outside A LOT and allow him to play with natural items; give him a shovel and let him dig in the garden, take him into the bush and let him play in water. Stop taking him to shopping centres for a while- do whatever it takes to avoid those brightly lit, highly overactive environments. <br /><br />Also, look for ways in which his emotional needs may not be being met. Are you spending plenty of positive time with him, one to one, just talking and listening and reading to him? Or is your life a whirlwind? Just as adults will sometimes meet their emotional needs in inappropriate ways (such as overeating and getting drunk), children will tantrum when they feel lost and helpless and frustrated by their world. Maybe he feels powerless. Without knowing more about your day-to-day life, it's really hard to say what's bothering him.<br /><br />Another possibility which should be looked at is that he has some sensory issues or a mild form of autism (all too common these days). It's worth talking to his teacher/s about this and seeing how he behaves when he's not at home. If this is the problem then expert help as early as possible is vital.<br /><br />I hope that gives you something to work with!Aunt Anniehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08799746597313773030noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5189220758768300295.post-19001715523206856842013-09-30T17:17:11.022+10:002013-09-30T17:17:11.022+10:00Thank you for your story and ideas. I have a six y...Thank you for your story and ideas. I have a six year old boy that hasn't stopped throwing temper tantrums. He has them constantly, every day, about every hour. He constantly wants things. He screams if he doesn't get his way. I try very hard to keep my voice down, acknowledge his feelings, explain over and over again. I have tried everything, from not explaining, then counting him, which would lead to time out to the opposite ie. explaining why he can't have what he wants. Nothing helps. But there comes a point when you just can't stay calm. There does come time, when I loose it with him. I'm only human and I am tolerant, but if its on everyday basis and it's something you've talked about millions of times, then the explosion in me just erupts. And yes, just like you I have walked away from my son and left him in a shop and went to another shop in our shopping center. It sounds crazy now that I see myself writting about it, but at that moment, I had no other option, or at least I was 100% sure there was nothing humanly possible to win with my son. I hit rock bottom and walked away, because I wanted to end the situation. My son would be happy if he could eat sweets all day, have a new toy every day. Go shopping and keep buying things. Where did that obsession come from?? I ask myself everyday. My 10yr old daughter is not like that and never was, she is the complete opposite. I have done lots of reflecting, because I have been searching for answers to this problem, is it wrong to buy presents only on birthdays and Christmas? In between these times, he gets maybe two new toys. Don't get me wrong, he has plenty of toys to play with, so he's not deprived at all. Maybe I should talk to a psychologist. What do you think? Or is there anyone out there who had a problematic, needy child and who eventually grew out of it, or the behaviour worsened? <br />Thank you.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5189220758768300295.post-28140565675210229062012-11-27T21:54:14.997+10:002012-11-27T21:54:14.997+10:00And THAT si a perfect example of how children lear...And THAT si a perfect example of how children learn through modelling. Great work, you!Aunt Anniehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08799746597313773030noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5189220758768300295.post-43349334164209909552012-11-13T19:33:23.659+10:002012-11-13T19:33:23.659+10:00I have sometimes just stopped talking and breathed...I have sometimes just stopped talking and breathed for a few minutes during a tantrum, or even the build up to one. My son sees what I am doing and often copies. It sometimes helps. <br />All this is great advice. Thank you.Janenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5189220758768300295.post-55388351367372034152012-11-13T19:31:11.460+10:002012-11-13T19:31:11.460+10:00Anon,
of course we should never leave our children...Anon,<br />of course we should never leave our children alone. But when a child is in a full blown tantrum I don't think anyone would take them away. And even if they did, the parent would hear their child move and do something about it. I've seen a stranger approach an upset child and jumped in to make sure all was ok. But an upset child and a tantruming child are two very different things.<br />Wonderful article Aunt Annie. Thank you.Annanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5189220758768300295.post-44525980171221798082012-11-11T07:01:36.245+10:002012-11-11T07:01:36.245+10:00A big hug to you, because you sound like you need ...A big hug to you, because you sound like you need it. Have you read my post on being resilient as a parent? http://auntannieschildcare.blogspot.com.au/2011/02/what-makes-parent-resilient.html<br /><br />Apart from that, I would suggest that you need a physical go-to prop to turn to when you feel you're losing it. Can you carry one of those little stress balls with you in your handbag? When things are about to explode, try to program your mind to say 'STRESS BALL', walk away from your daughter (not two aisles away, preferably!! LOL) and squeeze it as hard as you can. Breathe deeply. Then find a positive mantra to say to yourself, like "I CAN do this. I CAN remain calm."<br /><br />It really sounds to me like you need some time just for you, to unwind. Counselling can be a wonderful way to release stress too. I wish you all the best, and be kind to yourself please- we ALL fail.Aunt Anniehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08799746597313773030noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5189220758768300295.post-3184161438711582782012-11-11T06:54:38.725+10:002012-11-11T06:54:38.725+10:00Thank you so much, Momma. Reinforcement is a great...Thank you so much, Momma. Reinforcement is a great thing in parenting, isn't it? I am doing fine- more surgery tomorrow, so your good wishes are well timed.Aunt Anniehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08799746597313773030noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5189220758768300295.post-67358520555734392402012-11-11T06:48:46.585+10:002012-11-11T06:48:46.585+10:00Anon, I included that story to show that we ALL ha...Anon, I included that story to show that we ALL have parenting #FAILs over tantrums. Of course your idea is better! <br /><br />However I do honestly believe that it's better to walk away for a moment than to hit your child. (And it's a fact that our children are far, FAR more likely to come to harm at the hands of a relative, friend or other known adult than to be accosted by a paedophile in the street, though the media would have us believe otherwise.)Aunt Anniehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08799746597313773030noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5189220758768300295.post-7267863369753529972012-11-10T23:49:38.545+10:002012-11-10T23:49:38.545+10:00I truly agree with everything in this post!! I tr...I truly agree with everything in this post!! I try very hard to stay calm during tantrums but I do lose it sometimes. I feel awful about screaming at my daughter and feel at a loss about how I am to teach self control when I can't seem to always practice it myself. I have said some cruel things in the heat of the moment and feel so much guilt. I am able to be calm for many days and then one day I just snap! Anyone else? I am thinking I need counseling. Sorry for the rambling ... I am seeking help in any way I can.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05234751349713696487noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5189220758768300295.post-44481358928713855232012-11-10T23:29:44.331+10:002012-11-10T23:29:44.331+10:00This post is wonderful. Even though intellectually...This post is wonderful. Even though intellectually I KNOW I need to be doing all of these, and I always aim to, it's still helpful to see it all spelled out so clearly. I'm going to share it on my page. Hope you are doing well. Think of you often.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5189220758768300295.post-82856375142281395652012-11-10T22:31:28.223+10:002012-11-10T22:31:28.223+10:00I don't know how old your son is now, but leav...I don't know how old your son is now, but leaving a child alone and going two aisles away these days is like an open invitation to any opportunistic paedo freak who happens to be near by... probably better to just stay with the child and take your deep breaths, then apologise to the kid "I'm sorry, I could see you weren't really in the mood for a long shopping trip when we came here - we're going now", pick him up and leave.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com